When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

It's nearly an hour past midnight here on a Wednesday morning. My mind is buzzing with so many different thoughts that I just can't lie down and sleep. I've been feeling this way quite often since I got out of school. I feel surrounded yet alone in my corner of the world all at once.

Always I've said that the night is my friend. There is a certain peace to the night that cannot be found anywhere any other time. It is only I and the buzz of my computer, and the ticking of a clock. But there is this resounding symphony of ideas and emotions and expressions that comes from all points of the day, that are then drawn into this late hour of the night. This symphony is one of confusion and commotion, but because it carries my emotions and feelings, it means much to me. So I feel drawn to make sense out of this jumble, but my mind is too tired and weary that I let my dreams organize the score itself. After all, the night is my friend; I'll let the night take care of it. I suppose this is why I've had some messed up dreams lately, and why, bluntly and honestly, someone I like keeps recurring in my dreams nightly. That's nightly. Which is fine with me. But I desperately wish for reality.

Now let's summarize sans Freud: Like I said earlier, I can't sleep. I've got a lot on my mind.

I'm feeling like a captain of a sinking ship. I'm living alone here at the edge of the world.

One of Bobby Kennedy's favorite poets was Aeschylus, and he once reflected on where the road lies, saying,

"Even in our dreams, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom by the awful grace of God."